Alcoholism Denial: How to Break Down a Common Barrier to Recovery

8% of West Virginians had an alcohol use disorder in 2021. In reality, that number is probably larger. That statistic requires people participating in a survey to identify as someone with an alcohol use disorder, and that’s not an easy admission to make.

Instead, many people with alcohol use disorders make excuses to justify how much they drink, and why they can continue without getting help. “I can stop drinking at any time.” “It’s not actually that much.” “I’m just drinking to have fun and unwind.” Do those statements sound familiar?

Our patients at Hope for Tomorrow talk about their experiences with alcoholism denial frequently, and it can be a serious barrier to individuals seeking the care they need and achieving recovery. 

It might seem obvious to you that your loved one’s drinking habits are destructive, but there are a lot of reasons why they can’t acknowledge it themselves. Let’s discuss alcoholism denial, and what you can do to help your loved one confront their alcohol use disorder and start their journey to recovery.

Is Denial a Symptom of Alcohol Use Disorder?

While denial isn’t an official symptom in the DSM-5 that is used to diagnose alcohol use disorder, it is common in people whose drinking habits have developed into an addiction. No one wants to admit they have a problem. In the case of alcohol use disorder, people rely on alcohol to cope with something else going on in their lives. It provides them with relief. The last thing they want to do is risk losing that relief, even if they know it’s harmful deep down. Some people with alcohol use disorder refuse to admit the damage their drinking is causing even to themselves, continuing to tell themselves that it’s fine so they can preserve their destructive coping mechanism.

Signs of Denial in Alcohol Use Disorder: The Blame Game

The presence of denial about the extent of their drinking can be a sign that your loved one has an alcohol use disorder in itself. These behaviors are signs of denial:

Blaming. Whether it’s another person or a situation, the person will direct the responsibility for their drinking onto something else – like friends that were with them at the bar and “made” them drink, or someone making them so mad that they “had” to drink to deal with it.

Comparing. Your loved one justifies their behavior by comparing it to others who are, in their opinion, “worse” than them. This is especially true if they know someone else with an alcohol use disorder. If they feel like they’re better off than them, they decide they’re fine.

Defensiveness. The person gets frustrated when you confront them about drinking and defends their right to continue doing so. Talking about alcohol often leads to arguments.

Dissmissiveness. Your loved one acts like their drinking isn’t a big deal or refuses to talk about it altogether when you try to bring it up.

Lying. They’re dishonest about how much they drink, whether they were drinking, where they were, who they were with, and more. This is often because they know their behavior is wrong and feel underlying shame or don’t want to face the consequences of disappointing you.

Rationalization. They make excuses to themselves to justify why they continue drinking, and why their behavior is okay. For example, they might say they only drank last time because of problems at work, or because everyone else at an event they attended was drinking.

Reasons for Alcoholism Denial: The Power of Fear

Each person will have unique motivations for denying their alcohol use disorder, but there are several common reasons. These include:

Shame. Many people with alcohol use disorders feel a deep guilt for their drinking habits. If they tell themselves they’re actually fine, they don’t have to confront those unpleasant emotions.

A fear of change. Change can be hard, for some people more than others. When someone relies on alcohol enough to develop an alcohol use disorder, removing alcohol from their life is a massive and difficult change. It’s easier to pretend there’s nothing wrong so life can continue as usual, without any challenges.

A fear of judgment. Some might be afraid of what admitting they have an alcohol use disorder could do to their image or reputation. They might be concerned that their friends, or anyone else who finds out, will think of them or treat them differently. They see avoiding addressing the problem as a way to avoid that judgment.

An enabling environment. Sometimes people with alcohol use disorders have others around them who encourage their drinking, or at the very least don’t let them face any consequences for it. That makes it easy for them to deny their alcohol habits are destructive.

A lack of awareness. Some people genuinely don’t realize what constitutes an alcohol use disorder, and may sincerely think their habits are okay. Addiction can also impact parts of the brain that influence self-awareness, making it even more difficult for someone with an alcohol use disorder to realize their behavior is harmful.

Not wanting to lose a coping mechanism. Alcohol is usually a tool people with alcohol use disorder use to cope with some pain in their lives. If they admit their alcohol habits are unhealthy, that means they have to drink less and face the pain they’re using alcohol to avoid. That’s often the last thing people with alcohol use disorder want to do.

Fearing consequences. Once someone receives an alcohol use disorder diagnosis, their relationship with alcohol is significantly more exposed. When they can’t hide their alcohol habits, it puts them at risk of facing professional consequences, or other people in their lives treating them differently. They can’t face consequences for a problem they don’t have, so they deny that they have one.

Do You Have Secondary Alcoholism Denial?

“Secondary denial” is the denial of loved ones of someone with an alcohol use disorder experience sometimes. This is noticing your loved one’s drinking habits and thinking, “It’s not that bad,” or “It isn’t a problem.”

The problem with secondary denial is that it can indirectly prevent people with alcohol use disorder from getting help. Loved ones in denial over someone’s harmful drinking habits might have a tendency to protect the person from the consequences of their behavior.

Once you go through the hard process of accepting your loved one has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, you’re in a better place to help them. It’s more difficult to justify making excuses for them, and easier to look into treatment and try to point them in the right direction.

How to Help Someone in Denial of Alcoholism: The Role of Concern and Questioning

It’s important to remember that in the end, you can’t force someone to think a certain way. The person with the alcohol use disorder has to come to terms with the reality of the situation and seek help for themselves. You can still be a valuable source of support on their road to recovery, though.

The most important thing is to approach every conversation with your loved one with empathy. Watching someone sacrifice so much for alcohol can be frustrating, especially if they don’t seem to acknowledge the damage it’s having on their life, but anger and accusations aren’t helpful. Instead, calmly express that you care for them and are concerned about their health. Try to put yourself in their shoes, even if it’s difficult. Your loved one is likely in a lot of pain and feeling a lot of conflict, even if they can’t admit they have an alcohol use disorder yet. That’s a hard position to be in – even more so when you consider how cruelly our society treats people with substance use disorders.

Asking questions about the person’s drinking can be helpful, and lead them to reflect. Try to remain as outwardly neutral as possible. “Do you think alcohol is having an impact on your job?” “How do you feel after drinking last night?” and “Do you think that situation would’ve gone differently if you weren’t drinking?” are examples of questions that might be appropriate. Don’t take charge of the situation. Let your loved one answer, and actively listen to what they have to say. 

You can also introduce your loved one to treatment options. Do some research and look into different alcohol use disorder programs in your area, and bring it up to them. Be sure to highlight anything you think they might find exciting, like fun amenities or conveniences that will make treatment feel like something positive, and not a punishment.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Even if you don’t have the condition yourself, you are also living with an alcohol use disorder, and it isn’t easy. Don’t be afraid to contact a therapist or other mental health professional for additional support. Rest assured, you have plenty of reason to get help, too, and you don’t have to manage these complicated feelings alone.

Alcoholism (Alcohol Use Disorder) Rehab in West Virginia

The good news is, treatment for alcoholism (alcohol use disorder) is available for your loved one. It may take time for them to accept they need it. Patience is key. Sometimes, it’s the consequences of their actions that make someone with an alcohol use disorder see reason and seek help. Other times, it’s the determination of someone like you expressing their concern and desire for them to get treatment that is the final push they need. Any reason to go into treatment is a good one, and everyone is worthy of recovery. Alcohol rehab will be here whenever your loved one is ready.

Hope for Tomorrow, located in Point Pleasant and Beckley, WV, is dedicated to providing compassionate addiction recovery services to everyone in need. We take special care to include populations other facilities may leave behind, like veterans, couples seeking treatment together, people with additional health conditions, and pregnant women. No matter who they are, where they are in life, or where they come from – your loved one is welcome here. We hope you’ll call us at 877-679-8162 for more on what we can do to help.

Treatment today for a brighter tomorrow.